Beginnings, no endings

4 weeks have passed by in a flash. I can’t believe that I’ll be sitting on a plane in a few hours time homeward bound. Sitting in the airport, away from my children, I now have 30 hours of quiet ahead of me to sit and reflect on what I’ve experienced over the past month. At the children’s village, both the kids and the staff have brought me so much joy and such happiness. I think back on all the special times I have shared with some truly amazing children. I know that I am truly blessed, as even though I can only spend small amounts of time here, I am treated like family. The children have no idea how much they have helped me; they have warmed my soul and have reminded me of how wonderful, joyful and precious life is. Some of the house mothers are now like Sister’s to me. I have such a close bond with them that will never be broken. I know no matter where I am in the world, the family I have here is always with me.

Next I think about the time I spent in the local community. All those experiences which have put a lot into perspective for me come flooding back. I think about my special little girl and how she ran into my open arms as soon as she saw me. I remember the gratitude of her Mother and Uncle as I used the money so kindly given to provide the things she so desperately needs. I then recall all my other visits into the community, each of them a unique experience which will never leave me. Whether it be to visit a Crèche or a child that has left Rehoboth, it is still all too apparent to me that there will always be a need. I now reflect on the difficult task ahead of me as I return to England. This is only the beginning of my journey; there is still so much to accomplish, still a huge mountain to climb. I pray God will give me the gift of discernment, that he would show me where help is needed most. I also pray that the resources so desperately needed would always be available, that I would always have the passion and determination to do what I believe is right.
I realise that I’ve not posted as many pictures as you might have hoped. I intend on making a short film of my experiences, so rest assured there will be more to see in the coming weeks and months. As I’ve written many times, this is not a one off thing, a onetime experience; I hope and pray that I can continue to make provision for so many people with your help. I appreciate it might only be a small difference in a world which has so much need, but even by doing our own little bit, I hope we can change the world.
Amen, Siyabonga.

You make my Day.

I never want this day to end. My beautiful little girl is care free for a while longer yet. For a fleeting few hours, she can leave her life of extreme poverty for a brief reminder of what her life used to be like. Sitting in the play area of a family restaurant, every time I look up I find her coming down a slide or peering from the top of the climbing frame, the proud owner of the widest smile you have ever seen. Grinning from ear to ear, she catches my eye, giggles and runs off again to her next adventure. As she plays, I am reminded of a Zulu song we often sing in the morning, which translates to “I have joy, peace and happiness in my soul”. I certainly have all those feelings in my heart, and I hope everyone reading this does too. YOU are responsible for making this happen. Your generosity is astounding, I hope you all feel a huge sense of satisfaction knowing you have made a huge difference in the life of a little girl. There are many many more like her, and your donations will help some of those in need. Today, I spent £60 on clothes, shoes, a toy, some food for her family, and most importantly a few hours of playtime. I think I could sit here and watch her play forever. Right now, there is nowhere else I’d rather be and no one else I’d rather be with. She is a little girl who doesn’t say much, but if a picture paints a thousand words, her smile paints a million more.

Now a few hours later, I am back home struggling to write as the tears flow steadily. I left my little girl in the pouring rain to go back home. Arriving dripping wet, her very kind and gracious Uncle thanked me for the “gifts”,then quickly scooped up our little girl, plonked her on his back, covered her in his water proof and took the 4 heavily laden shopping bags in his arms. I watched them walk away until they disappeared over the brow of a hill. Then the tears came and they’ve hardly stopped since. Of both joy and sadness, I sit and ponder when will be the next time I get to see her. Will she be as happy and healthy as she is now? Will I even be able to find her again? But then I remember that I promised her that I would never forget her, and that I would never stop loving her. Those promises I will never break, even if I don’t ever see her again, she is in my heart forever. For that I am extremely thankful. I will never forget her smile or the words on the t-shirt she was wearing today- “you make my day”. How very apt. She has certainly made my day, I hope yours too.

I have a few more similar trips on the horizon in the coming days, as well as visits to 4 Crèches in the local community and as my last week approaches I sit and reflect on my time here. In a month I feel I have achieved so much, but as always there is far too much still to do. I pray that the time I have spent here was long enough to set the wheels in motion for a set of events that will be everlasting, bringing joy, peace and happiness, even if just for a few brief moments, to some very deserving children.

Thank you once again for making this happen.

Reunited at long last.

At long last I got to see my beautiful little girl again. At long last again I can prove to her that I will never break the promise that I made nearly 5 years ago. There hasn’t been a day in those last 5 years when I haven’t thought about that special little girl. We had such a connection right from the first time I met here in baby crèche. Now she is a stunning 6 year old girl with her whole life ahead of her. She is no longer within the love and safety of Rehoboth, but I truly believe the stubborn streak which we both share will help her go on to great things. Hopefully, I will be able to encourage her and support her in this for many years to come.
Being reunited with her again is something I will never ever forget. Yesterday morning, we pulled up on the roadside about 50 metres from where she and her family are staying. There were maybe 15 children all running around, but I picked her out almost instantly. I recognised everything that I love about her- her shyness and the way she crosses her legs and cocks her head to the side when she is unsure about something, her stunning beauty that overwhelms me every time I see her and most of all her warm and friendly smile that never ceases to make me thank God for her life. Walking up the rocky path to her house she cautiously walked towards me with that shyness so apparent, not yet quite sure of whom it was. When she finally was close enough to see who I was, in an instant she recognised me and ran to me with open arms. I picked her up and held her so close to me and for the hour and a half I spend with her there we never let go. She gripped on to me for dear life and every now and then she would breath out a sigh of relief and squeeze me tighter.
It’s hard to describe exactly how I felt during my time with her. I think maybe I felt nearly every emotion there is to feel. At first I feel so relieved that we have managed to find her and that she looks to be in good health. I sit as her mother (who is in final stage AIDS), tells me how she is trying as best as she can to make sure that her little “Beauty” stays HIV negative. All her immunisations are up to date, the skin condition she has is, thank God, for the moment controlled well and she is still looking to be the right height and weight for her age. Then, I feel an overwhelming sense of love and compassion for a little girl who when I last saw her was only 3 years old. Even at that young age she kept me in her heart and mind and has not forgotten me, just as I haven’t forgotten her. I now feel so humbled that a child would hold me in her heart so tightly for so long- nearly half her life. I remembered how I had whispered in her ear the last time that I saw her “I will always love you, you are in my heart forever, I will never forget you and no matter where you are, I will always be with you.” I remind her of this and she squeezes me a little tighter again.
In the empty shell of a half-finished new house, I sit and listen as her mother describes the daily struggles she endures. She knows as well as I do that the time she has left with her children is short, but she remains strong for them, using every ounce of energy to care for them as best as she can. At this point I hear the other children playing and laughing outside. They have virtually nothing but they are still happy, they rarely complain and ask for nothing. They know they will get what they need wherever possible. Now I feel joy and peace in my heart.
As her mother becomes more comfortable and trusting in my presence she tells me how she has encouraged our little girl to have contact with her father. She tells me that the last time she picked her up from a weekend with her Father she finds her running around naked, all her clothes have been torn up and are lying on the ground all around the house. Her mother shows me the ripped and torn clothes. My emotions are running high at this point, inside I am filled with anger and disgust but I don’t show this to my girl, instead I place her head into my hands, remind myself again of her how beautiful she is, kiss her and then hold her even tighter than before. Next, I say to her mother that it would be a privilege if I would be able to replace some of the ruined clothes to honour her as the wonderful Mother she strives to be even in the face of a tremendous amount of adversity. She so graciously accepts my offer and we make a plan for me to take her little girl on an outing next Monday. Not wanting to wish away my time here I am so excited and simply cannot wait for our special time together. We leave knowing that she is safe and happy for now and I cry tears of joy for the full 30 minute journey home.
My little girl has no idea what she is responsible for creating. It is because of her that I asked all of you for your support. It is because of her that I will be able to go out and support many more children in the same way. Thank you all so much once again for making all of this possible and for supporting this little girl and hopefully many other children. You are helping mothers provide for their children.

God bless you all.

If you overcome your fears, abundance appears

We all have our own fears, which sometimes become so real they consume us. When we can’t see past our fears, all that is visible to us is anxiety, panic, dread. But, if we can rationalise our fears then as the title of this blog states, abundance appears. I must credit this little saying to a guy I met today. He is still young and lost both his parents to HIV nearly 7 years ago. He got past the pain and the sorrow of grief, and was then met with fear. But, seeing how it was overwhelming him and through much prayer, he took the decision to overcome his fear. He is now an independent, strong and confident young man in his second year of university, training to be an accountant. Getting past his fear opened him up to the freedom of abundance in so many different ways.
Without judging the people of South Africa, I can imagine that the feeling of fear is all too often overwhelming. The fear of not being able to provide food for your babies, the fear of contracting HIV, the fear of dying of TB, the fear of being robbed. We can’t change what has happened, nor do we have any control over many of the issues, but there are small things we can do to help at least alleviate some of that distress. The less fear we feel, the more abundance will become clear to us.
I started to plan all my trips into the community today, and it filled me with fear. I started to think about everything that could go wrong, rather than the abundance of things that could go right. In a way my fear could be considered as healthy. After all I am going into a community as a minority, some might not want me there. Would I be seen as a threat or a target? But on the abundant side, I could achieve so much, even the slightest positive change would make this whole trip a roaring success. I can’t change the world in 4 weeks, but I can be the catalyst for a chain of events that will hopefully explode into action after my all too brief encounters. I pray that it would be the latter and that God will keep me safe. Maybe with the money you have all so kindly given we can swap fear for abundance.

On a much lighter note though, my welcome back to Rehoboth and the children far exceeded my expectations. I was met with screams of joy and delight not only from the children but the Mom’s and staff too. Truly now my kids know I love them and that the promise I made nearly 5 years ago hasn’t and will never be broken. They will be with me always, no matter where I am in the world. The younger ones who were babies when I last left are now in preschool and are developing nicely. Those who were in preschool are now at school and are keen to tell me all about their favourite subjects and who their friends are. The oldest children are now young adults, showing so much maturity and confidence, looking forward to a future rich in good health, joy and happiness. They all have a clear vision of what they want to achieve in life.
I spent some time in preschool today with two boys I never imagined would still be with us. The last time I left South Africa, one of the boys was in hospital with TB fighting for his tiny life, the other was 3 years old but could not yet walk or talk- his frail little body not capable of supporting his precious life. Now they are both flourishing, preparing to start school next year. God truly blessed those little children, they are miracles and I cannot praise God enough for them. I tell one of the little boys that I used to visit him every day when he was in hospital, praise God again that he has no recollection of this, he remembers none of the pain and suffering which I used to associate him with. All he knows is the joy that is so apparent now in his life. And for me slowly the memories of finding him day after day lying forlorn in his hospital bed or banging his head against the harsh metal cot bars will disappear with every new encounter I have with him. Not only is he healing, but I am too. Amazing things are done here, long may it continue.

An indelible Impression

John Wood, author of “Leaving Microsoft to Save the World”, comments on “Hope and Optimism, not doom and gloom”.
“Everyone knows there is poverty in the world, and almost all of us are saddened by it. Some charities find it effective to show photos of a child covered in flies, or a malnourished family covered in dust….. These images negate the inherent dignity of each human being….. The tears we shed should be of joy…..”
More than anything I want to respect the people I come across on my trip. They are striving to do the very best they can in a bleak situation. With more hope and trust in God that I could ever dream of having, they soldier on regardless of what is thrown at them with few complaints.
It’s a complete lottery as to where you are born and what you grow up with. I grew up in relative wealth, surrounded by a loving family. My parents have supported me and my siblings nonstop. They have watched us grow; they were committed to coming to every single music concert, sporting occasion, university open day and significant milestone. In return they taught us about commitment and being charitable with our time and resource. I owe them everything, my entire life. I remember being part of different clubs when I was young. We went rain, hail or shine. Not feeling like going was not an option, we had committed to it so we went. At the time it frustrated me sometimes, but know I now that was an invaluable lesson learned. And, because of my Mum and Dad and the principles they taught us, look where my brothers, sister and I are now. In our own very different ways we are living out the principles we were taught, and making a difference. Why am I saying all this- because through the opportunities that were available to me as a child, I’m now preparing to go out into the community in South Africa and work with people who need us. But, because of how I have been raised, I have the gifts and tools to do this in the right way. I’m not going to just give out food parcels and then feel really good about myself. I am there to try and make an indelible impression, a lasting difference to try and repay some amazing people who have helped me in ways they will never know.
A black South African wants exactly the same opportunities for her own children. She can teach them the all the principles and lessons to be a committed world changer, but she lacks the resource for the follow through. This of course through no fault of her own and certainly not a lack of dedication to her children. What she can give however, is love and affection, this of course comes for free.
All this said, I do truly believe everyone’s problems and issues are relative. We have no right to suggest an English persons problems are less important than a black South African’s. But, that said, while I might grumble about the price of petrol being sky high, I have very little control over this. What I do have control over is my energy and focus and commitment. Should this not be on the mother who doesn’t know when her children will next get a meal? She relies fully on God, she puts her trust in JEHOVAH JIREH- the Lord who provides. I hope I can give some sort of lasting provision to even just a few families with the money you have all so kindly given. To close, I am reminded of John Wood’s comments in his book and I intend to replicate this in all my work. While I may show some pictures of poverty and injustice, I will strive to maintain the dignity of every individual I meet. But at the same time I will display as many pictures and videos of the happiness you are responsible for creating. It’s not our fault that we are rich and others are poor, but we can change that in our own small way and you have helped do this.

The Last Post

Well guys this is potentially the last time I'll get on to the internet before I leave on Tuesday. The last few days have -as has always been these past 3 weeks- awesome. Have had many more special times with the kids. On Friday we had some music on in the creche and I danced with all the toddlers. It was such a special time, I didn't take any pictures as it didn't want the kids to feel like the had to perform, I just wanted them to be themselves. We were dancing and prancing about having so much fun. I seriously didn't want the mom's to come and pick the kids up at 10, I would have happily danced all day with them. The look of absolute happiness on their faces was so amazing to see. They all have such big, warm smiles- they truly melt my heart. Even though some of them have endured such hardship, they are still happy and smiley. Simple things like dancing together gives them so much pleasure.
Whilst still visiting my kids, I've been spending more time with friends making it even more awesome. Thursday night was at cell where we had a wee birthday party. There was much merriment mainly in the form of laughing at our attempts on the singstar. It's been a while since I've totally let my hair down and "chillaxed" so all good for Lindsay. Then last night went out to the re-0pening of a bike shop just down the road. Was again a really nice evening spent with some amazing people. Now I'm just about to head off for the weekend with more friends to a nice house by the beach (shame it's tipping it down outside- at least it's not snowing!!!). I'll upload all the pictures from my last few days likely when I'm back in England so keep looking- they'll appear soon!
L
xx

Good times

Since I last blogged I've had so many more special moments with my kids. German measles is sweeping across the village (they don't get the MMR jab here for free- it would cost 10 pounds per child) so we've had a few kids off school. I've been spending time with them chatting and watching DVD's in the hope that I can distract them from the discomfort they're feeling. I'm still rather shocked that in a country where so many kids who are already so sick with HIV, TB or both won't receive the MMR immunisation. Crazy, huh?Anyhoo, I spent a lovely morning with the babies and toddlers in the creche. We actually had to hold it in one of the houses as the weekend storms caused flooding in the creche building. It seemed so much more relaxed and informal, I don't know why it just did. Another "wave" of toddlers are just on the verge of walking so we're keeping a close eye out so we can get it on camera when it does happen! It's such a joy andf priveledge to be able to see a child walk for the first time.

We've had 3 more arrivals this week and last and one on the way meaning that with 55 children placed at Rehoboth we are officially full. With 5 children in each house it's sometimes not an easy job for the mom's- especially if all their children are under 5!!! Not sure how well I would cope with that! I'm sure my own mum could sympathise with these women as she had 4 children under 4!! The older children however really do look after themselves, they're taught from a young age to help the mom's wherever possible, like doing a bit of wahing up, helping with the washing and cleaning. They do it so willingly, without fuss as they know how much their "aunties" do for them. It's so nice to see.

I babysat 15 children yesterday for a few hours as the mom's went for IT classes. It was an absolute breeze I have to say. Some of the kids watched "surfs up", some played soccer outside, others read books. I had two babies with me, but the kids were so good at looking after them I actually probably didn't really need to be there. When they started to get a bit restless I would take the babies, but otherwise I had to "wait my turn" before I could get some hugs in!! The older kids know how to work my camera so I let them loose with it and they took some rather good pictures:

I'm now not sleeping at Rehoboth, I'm staying with my amazing friend Reece who is my rock. She's just such an awesome friend and I absolutely adore her family. I'll still be driving through to Rehoboth most days, I just wanted to spend time with her as well. I'm actually going to visit her place of work as well as she works somewhere called "Place of Restoration". It's a foster home, housing 60 kids from all different backgrounds. Black, white, coloured, HIV positive, HIV negative it doesn't matter. If there is a need to place a child, it is placed while fostering or adoption is arranged. It's a completely different set up to Rehoboth, but I've fallen in love with the kids already. For the protection of these kids, some of which have been through horrendous hardships already in their little lives, I'll not be posting any pictures or writing about any specific children. I'll just be handing out hugs and kisses to them for free as always and trying to give them as much love as I can in a week.
I can't believe that I only actually have a week left in South Africa. I fly at midnight a week today. I knew that time would fly, but it's still a bummer to know that I'm going home in 7 days. Gonna try not to think about that one........